About Me
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
hmm.. talking to kaili makes mi realise something...
she asked if mi and mum are alright... well.. mi guess we are... ok... mi relationship with mi mum is not the usual kind that you see or hear about.. we don't really talk.. we argue 90% of the time.... its always been like that... mi mum is not a person who shows love openly... mi dunno whether if she loves mi.. from young.. mi mum always treated mi in a way which makes mi wonder if she is mi real mum... mi tried so hard to do something to please her.. mi tried so hard.. but nothing mi do seems to make her happy... mi finally gave up... she is forever scolding mi... complaining abt mi.... gives mi sacrastic remarks... you get the idea.. mi grew up thinking mi mum hates mi and that if mi mum don't love mi... mi not worthy of love........
mi always feel deprived of love... mi so envious when mi see someone enjoying a close relationship with their parents.... when we in jc, the attention overwhelms mi.... mi very scared and hapy at the same time... finally someone is willing to shower some love for me..... mi was so afraid of falling for someone.. because mi always have low self esteem and no confidence..... mi feel unworthy of love... but a part of mi longs to be love and pampered.. to make up a regret mi have from childhood....
finally mi have the courage to accept him... but maybe mi too much of a perfectionist.... too childish... bad tempered and a list of bad elements in mi character... mi places too much importance in that relationship... maybe thats why mi take it so hard... feel so damn hurt...
please do not blame him for anything.. he did not done anything wrong... he have a right to end the relationship... he have a right not to love me... mi oni got miself to blame... mi weak.. mi useless.. mi cannot tke the blow.. mi dunno how to let go.. it mi fault... its mi....
she asked if mi and mum are alright... well.. mi guess we are... ok... mi relationship with mi mum is not the usual kind that you see or hear about.. we don't really talk.. we argue 90% of the time.... its always been like that... mi mum is not a person who shows love openly... mi dunno whether if she loves mi.. from young.. mi mum always treated mi in a way which makes mi wonder if she is mi real mum... mi tried so hard to do something to please her.. mi tried so hard.. but nothing mi do seems to make her happy... mi finally gave up... she is forever scolding mi... complaining abt mi.... gives mi sacrastic remarks... you get the idea.. mi grew up thinking mi mum hates mi and that if mi mum don't love mi... mi not worthy of love........
mi always feel deprived of love... mi so envious when mi see someone enjoying a close relationship with their parents.... when we in jc, the attention overwhelms mi.... mi very scared and hapy at the same time... finally someone is willing to shower some love for me..... mi was so afraid of falling for someone.. because mi always have low self esteem and no confidence..... mi feel unworthy of love... but a part of mi longs to be love and pampered.. to make up a regret mi have from childhood....
finally mi have the courage to accept him... but maybe mi too much of a perfectionist.... too childish... bad tempered and a list of bad elements in mi character... mi places too much importance in that relationship... maybe thats why mi take it so hard... feel so damn hurt...
please do not blame him for anything.. he did not done anything wrong... he have a right to end the relationship... he have a right not to love me... mi oni got miself to blame... mi weak.. mi useless.. mi cannot tke the blow.. mi dunno how to let go.. it mi fault... its mi....
written by min @ 2/18/2004 05:31:00 PM
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